MEET TODD
Your Flawed But Loyal Emotional Support Pillow

Vital Stats:

• Species: Overstuffed Lumbar Pillow
• Breed: "Vintage" Thrift Store Find stuffed with crinkle paper
• Condition: Mildly Lopsided, Suspicious Stain on Reverse Side
• Filling: 30% Polyester, 70% Regret

Special Skills:
Absorbs Ugly-Cry Mascara Like a Champ
Doubles as a Rage-Squeeze Stress Ball
Provides Adequate Lumbar "Support" (Results May Vary)
Serves as a Neutral Party During Arguments (Unlike Your Actual Therapist)

Known Aliases:

• "The Belgian Linen Lie" (It's a tea towel cover)
• "That Weird Long Pillow" (From House Guests)
• "Jack's Fortress" (When Stolen by Smallest Child)

Therapeutic Benefits:

• Instant Credibility: Toss Todd on any chair → "Look, I'm an adult!"
• Social Shield: Pile Todd between you and unwanted guests → "Oops, no seating left!"
• ADHD Comfort Object: Crinkle him on Zoom calls (On mute of course)

Maintenance Instructions:

1. Spot clean tears with wine
2. Fluff aggressively when frustrated
3. Rotate periodically to hide stains

WARNING:

• Do not expose to:
• Cats (Peaches already disapproves)
• Children's "art projects"
• Honest conversations about its origins

Testimonial:
"Todd has seen me through 3 breakups, 2 layoffs, and that time I tried making dream catchers. 10/10 would trauma-bond again.”

Want Todd merch? We're brainstorming:
"Team Todd" embroidered T-shirts and pillows
A support group for other misshapen pillows
DIY rehab kits for sad thrift store finds

DM your Todd confessions. He won’t judge. (He can’t—he’s a pillow.)